"If you can't be with the one you 'love'..."

Soooo, I have been away for quite a while.  But, I have an excuse... I wasn't dating New York, I was dating a man:)  But, alas, the man and I are no longer dating, which means, I'm back to dating New York.  And I gotta tell ya, I like coming back to a place that tells it like it is, no hidden agenda, accepts me as I am, gives unconditional love, says what it means and means what it says, and even when it grows and changes the core remains the same, (sigh) since I can't find a man like that, perhaps I'll just continue to dateNY.
Anywho, enough lamenting, I went out last night!  My night unfolded unexpectedly, but when I look back on it, nah, it was a typical Megan-Brette night, I just have been gone for so long.  I spent most of my day cleaning my apartment, washing clothes, and studying for the GREs (on my way back to school for the good ole PhD).  I was listening to music all day and realized I was craving to listen to some live music; more specifically Jazz.  I looked up jazz clubs and saw a whole bunch listed uptown, Harlem, places I was too lazy to venture out to.  So, I decided to just go to the West Village and figure it all out when I got there.

I got off at West 4th street and the first pleasant surprise of the night appears, my coworker from one of my schools, MF.  He saw me texting (my mother) on the street and attempted to surprise/scare me but I'm too quick and street savvy ;) so I looked up in time to see him approaching me.  He was out and about in his old neighborhood so we ended up walking and talking for about a good 1/2 hour; about our students, summer vacation, his 80 year old mother, dating at the senior citizen level a very eclectic conversation, as we do.  It was nice, gave me time to decide what I felt like eating before I looked for the musical portion of the night.

We left each other and on my way to find food I heard "it"!! Jazz, right around the corner at a place called Zinc Bar (West 3rd street and Sullivan street).  Went in, asked if they had a kitchen, no, so I said I'd be back to listen to a set.  Once I leave there, I pass by a man that looked familiar (I really feel like I'm one of those people that recognizes everyone else but no one recognizes me) and to my surprise he said I looked familiar to him.  It was JA! He used to do security at my favorite place in the Village, Groove.  I remembered how nice he was to me every time I visited Groove, made me feel like family there.  JA recognized me, I'm assuming as a frequent guest of Groove.  We then end up talking for a good 1/2 hour, catching up on where he works currently, changes in the night life of the West Village, the music scene, a performer I used to love (and still do).  It was nice catching up with a familiar stranger.

I then made a decision that was solely based on food and finances, which, I have to admit, I need to rethink next time.  I forgot that I was in the West Village, on a Tuesday night, at about 10pm.  I decided to go to 1849 for inexpensive bar food and ended up sitting between two groups of generation ??? Whatever the call the generation of people born in the mid 80s.  Sheesh!! I'm old!  The conversations that I heard!! OMG, "I think she is CRAZY...soo f-in drunk...thanks for being my wing man....did you at least get her number...she's always busy during the day...I think she's only going to want a short-term relationship....(sarcasm) awwww, man, that "sucks" for you...it'll be a quick hit and quit...why is she such a crazy chick..."  Unfortunately, if you DO go out by yourself, THAT may end up being your lovely dinner conversation.  I should've known better, but I was craving 6 dollar chicken fingers.

Off to Zinc Bar, I got a great cocktail and listened to the Rasheed Ali band for a set.  It was nice, exactly what I wanted.  That's the joy of being an adult, more often than not, you CAN satisfy your cravings when you so choose.  So much power, just have to always remember the consequences.  About an hour into the set, two men I had seen earlier come to the bar to pay their bill.  That's when I heard them speaking French, so of course my curiosity got the better of me and I found out they were from Cote D'Ivoire and Cameroon.  They invited me to go to the "next" place, Madame X, with them and their 3 other friends (2 girls and another guy).  Hmmm, opportunity to practice my French, but of course:)  And no worries, I surveyed the situation, I was good.  Come to find out, the man from Cameroon, MA, was not only a jazz musician, but has his own African music band, his PhD in History, and is a professor at a local university.  I'm telling you, the people you meet when you are open to it are fascinating:)  I had such a great time with them.

On my way home, I run into yet another familiar face, my "see-him-every-so-often" friend G, who happens to be a pretty famous comedian.  I hadn't seen him in years and again, he recognized me as well (I was on a roll last night:)!  I end up meeting one of his friends, the singer from Living Colour, and we talk for...yes a good 1/2/ hour (seems to be just the right amount of "update time").  We spoke of the "business", Black people, education, New York, etc.   Then, we parted ways, I got on the train (where I did meet ONE more person, T from Ethiopia) and I was home on my cozy couch (never did end up folding those clothes on my bed) by 4am.  A very fulfilling, enjoyable NY night.

As I said in the beginning, I'm back! I did the dating-a-man thing again, and sadly I was disappointed with the results.  I never seem to be disappointed when I go out with New York.  Perhaps it's because I know what to expect.  Perhaps, it's because I can create what I want from a plethora of choices.  You can't do that with people; they come already assembled.  I guess I'll continue to be with NY until I'm ready to go back to the unexpected again.  

~Megan-Brette

USING the "bar scene" to boost that ole self-esteem back...if needed

I know, I know, I know, it has been far too long since my last post, but in my defense, I've been going through some personal issues.  How ironic that I haven't blogged in a bit about being single because I've been too busy with men that I was trying NOT to be single with....strange.  Anyways, I digress.
Well, not really... So recently I was dealing with some lovely men who I've known for years and who "love me" but may not be "in love with me" - ahhh, that always feels so good to hear.  What I realized was that after a while (especially if you've been friends with a guy first - and I say "guy" because I'm a heterosexual female, you can insert "woman" or "person" if that helps you see my point) they start taking your amazingness for granted.  I realize that this happens in relationships, but I'm talking about PRE-relationshipness.  They forget that yes, you are beautiful, and you two can talk about anything for hours, and you two have a million inside jokes, and their family loves you, and you make them laugh until their stomach hurts, and you challenge their thinking in a good way), and you are a unique, special individual that desires and deserves to be loved just like anyone else!!! So, what I realized was that I needed a freshness to my life.  New people that have never met me before so that they can say, "That Megan, she's so amazing, it's strange she's still single, hmmm?"  Even if you aren't attracted to them, at least you hear the words and feel the "love".

So, about a month ago, I was feeling like I needed a date, with myself of course (this IS a self-dating blog). So I got all pretty and took myself out to a bar/restaurant in Fort Greene where I knew a lot of men would be hanging out at the bar.  I sat myself right on the corner, great socializing spot to talk to the bartender AND I would always have not one, but two men next to me to talk to.  As, the night progressed, I started talking to D - divorced father of 2 who worked...somewhere in Long Island, but who thought I was "interesting", "beautiful", and "intriguing."  Then there was J- runs a homeless shelter for men in NYC and felt the need to actually state within our conversation, "You know I'm hitting on you right now, right?"  - I didn't say they'd all be winners now.  Then there was R- 65 years old, but as handsome as they come - we bonded over traveling and to him I was, "one of the most amazing women he's met", and I "continue to impress him" with each statement I make.   Sure, he's as old as my dad, but I wasn't there to get a date, I was there to feel good about myself - and THAT I did.  I ended talking to two more men who gave me their numbers.  They were kind and sweet and complimented me as well , and I was kind back.  But there were no sparks so I just left it at that.  I ended up going home feeling good and feeling like, yes, there are people still out there that recognize my amazingness.  I, personally, had low self-esteem growing up and even though I'm a grown woman, every now and then it creeps back in...I always know it's withIN me, but sometimes a little external boost doesn't hurt.

I say all of this to say, sometimes, if you need a little boost then going out by yourself may be THE PERFECT remedy.
My blog, my opinion.

Make friends with the bartender and you'll always have a "date"

So, clearly it was much easier for me to blog when I didn't go to work.  Now that I'm back in the swing of school, it's a little bit trickier.  And the fact that I have tons of paperwork does not help.  C'est la vie, I'm here now!  I wanted to talk about how easy it is to go out by yourself and not really feel like you are "alone".  If you make friends with the bartender, male or female, you'll always have a date.

Last night, I came home from work and wasn't ready to put on the comfy clothes just yet.  I just wanted to get a drink in my neighborhood.  I didn't feel like hopping on the train, getting on the bus, calling my friends and then waiting for my friends to come home from work themselves and then wait another 30 minutes for them to come meet me (this is what happens when you don't have nearby friends).  Or worse, they ask ME to meet them somewhere that I would have to...hop on a train, get on the bus, you get my point.  As you may have noticed, sometimes I'm just lazy and I have no shame in that:-)

So, I go to one of my neighborhood restaurants and sit at the bar (remember that's one of my rules).  I have been there a few times before and got to know the friendly bartender B.  I saw on my way home that he was working (although when you REALLY get to know your favorite bartenders then you will probably already know their schedules).  Now, the beauty of the "date" with the bartender is that he or she is not going anywhere:-)  They must stay there the entire time and talk with you; the good ones actually are really great conversationalists.  Yes, every now and then they'll go off and chat it up with some other customers: the regulars, the cute couple waiting for their table, the drunk bar hopping ladies, the old man that sits at the end of the bar just "looking", but eventually he will come back to you - because you ARE by yourself.

What's also great is that you may even make friends with other people that happen to know "your" bartender as well.  For instance, last night I got to my restaurant, sat at the bar, ordered a glass of wine and some ravioli and started a great conversation with B.  Then maybe an hour a half later a couple came and sat down next to me.  They knew B as well and that of course then made it a 4 person conversation.  By the end of the night, I had the couple's phone number, a date for game night at their apartment, which happens to be in the same complex as mine and new friends:-)  Gotta love NY!

And now, the next time I come home from work wanting to get a drink in my neighborhood but not having any nearby friends to call in time....I now have nearby friends to call - see how the cycle works?? :)

NY DOES include the OTHER boroughs too...

Seeing as how I LIVE in Brooklyn, I figured I needed to represent and write a post about one of my BK nights.  Just like Manhattan, I also have some of my favorite spots in Brooklyn.  One of my favorite neighborhoods in BK is Fort Greene.  I work around there and go to the many restaurants and bars there often.
Now, I must admit, this night went from being a very quiet peaceful night to a little bit crazy.  I'll try to just hit the main details.  It started out at Night of the Cookers.  I went there because I was craving their catfish fingers - SOOO good (always about food isn't it).  I ended up bringing my script that I was working on, to the bar.  So, while I was busy studying my lines, the polite Southern gentleman next to me inquired if I was an actress...hee hee.  I love that question, because although I earn my living as a speech-language pathologist, I do also act, just not like an ACTOR actor, so I never know what to say.  I just told him the truth, I host a show on BK cable.  That was easy.  From there, we had a really great conversation about acting, and hosting and education and then about his job and being from the South and visiting NY.  I found out early on that he had a wife and kid.  Here's one of the beauties about going out by yourself...it really is not all about trying to "get a number".  It can just be about meeting cool people.  Come to find out, he was there with his cousin whom he hadn't seen in 14 years and they reconnected on Facebook (gotta love Facebook).  It was a Thursday night, but I didn't work the next day.  So, as I was leaving, they asked if I knew of any other places to hang out on a Thursday in Fort Greene...Moe's!  Off the three of us went to Moes.  There, we just had a couple of drinks and, me being the ultimate romantic in my old age, I asked about how they met their wives :-)  Awwwww!  I'm a sucker for a good love story; even a crappy love story.  Two hours later, we exchanged FB names and left each other at the crossroads of Fulton and Lafayette.  There is actually a bit more to this night; let's just say I ended up meeting the owner of another restaurant located along Fulton, he was nice/normal at first, then turned out to be not-so-nice, then I met a fellow Hamptonian (yes, I went to Hampton University) who "saved" me from the crazy owner.  All in all, it was a crazy night that probably could've ended earlier than it did, but then I never would've met my fellow Hamptonian:-)
The funny thing about dating yourself, is that sometimes you kind of forget that others may see you as the connotation of "single in your 30s".  Sometimes I'm just Megan-Brette, single woman wanting to enjoy the company and conversation of others; who happens to be in her 30s.  

Finding my "groove"

This night began just like any other date night in New York...with Food:-)  My brother once told me, when I was in high school, that most people got out to do something and MAYBE they'll get a bite to eat, however, my best friend and I would go out to eat and MAYBE do something.  I see absolutely NOTHING wrong with the latter.  Anywho, I will admit that the best part of this particular date night was NOT the food, in fact it was my absolutely favorite place to go to in NY...Groove!! in the West Village.  If you know anything about me, you either know about Groove, or I've taken you there.

I started out craving pizza this night.  But, a particular style of pizza, there are so many kinds to choose from.  For some reason I wanted California Pizza Kitchen.  Whenever I end up going to a chain restaurant, it makes me a bit nostalgic for home, such a suburban thing:-)  I went and had a nice booth to myself where I could sit and people watch as well.  Here's the thing about going to a restaurant like this (sitting down at a table or booth rather than a bar); if you do choose to read a book, magazine, etc., then this is the PERFECT kind of set-up.  You are in your own world, you don't have to be social, no one is going to strike up a conversation with you.  Maybe the waiter/waitress, but that'll take 2 minutes tops.  So this kind of place is a great place to go by yourself if you're looking not to be social.  But, of course, this is me, Megan-Brette...I enjoy my solitude, but I also like talking to perfect strangers.

After CPK I ventured out and was now craving a more social setting with a fine glass of wine.  I literally walked about a 1/2 block and found Wine 30 (30th and Park Ave South - I believe).  I walked in and immediately liked the atmosphere.  It is small and cozy, but very trendy.  I sat at the end of the bar and ordered a nice glass of Malbec.  There were pretty many couples there (not just dating, but friends as well), so I found my conversation with the bartender.  I stayed about an hour, we spoke about how he really WASN'T a bartender, just filling in for a friend.  I thanked him for being "bartender like" and chatting it up with me:-)  Then I left, but I soooo was not ready to go home.

So I decided to make myself ultra-happy and take myself to my favorite place ever!!!! I "found" Groove when I first moved to NY 8 years ago.  Just walking around, I heard music, the sign said, " Live soul, Jazz, Blues" ummm, what else do you need???  I knew this was going to be my favorite place when I went inside to listen to the live band and they went from playing "Piano Man" to Biggy's "Juicy"! I felt like the place actually "got me"! How'd they know I'd love both those songs and back to back even - it was like they played my ever-so-eclectic iPod for me on stage.  

Then one by one the collection of strangers occurred.  First, I met a young man at the bar.  He tried to hit on me with some corny lines.  After he realized I was a "cool, different, female" (his words not mine), he relaxed and just talked.  Then we met a lady who was celebrating her birthday by herself (not anymore:-).  We all toasted to her birth.  Then the first man left and I met another young man.  Later the 3 of us sat down with a young couple from California and there we were, 5 perfect strangers, listening to good music, talking, eating, and celebrating a birthday.  It really was quite perfect.

We didn't keep in touch.  No need.  The friendship was only supposed to be for the moment; and a wonderful moment it was.

They say people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime; we were all there for a reason, to celebrate her birthday. Yay!!

      

Using Your Friends...

Well, because I DO live in NY, I have all of these friends who are into the arts as professions like, actors, and singers, and writers, and artists etc.  Therefore, there is usually someone performing, or reading, or exhibiting SOMETHING that I like to attend.  Now, I realize it is fun to go out with a friend or even your "girls" to these types of events.  But, I like to attend them by myself sometimes and...make it a date:-)

Most recently I attended my friend's singing party (He's actually my brother's good friend from elementary school - but I claim him as well).  He's a singer in NY and was performing at a famous restaurant in Midtown.  I was invited to come listen and support and of course I decided to use the opportunity as a date night.

So I got dressed up, pretty cute, not too fancy, and went to midtown to listen and support.  What I love about these nights is that they are cultural, always seem to have an interesting group of people there, and it's just a very easy way to socialize and network (if you so choose).  Oh yeah, and you get to see a friend you normally haven't seen in a while because they've been too busy working on their craft!! - I digress (what a surprise!).

I went and felt very inspired while I was there. He was/is amazing and the songs he sang made me want to come home and practice singing myself - in the shower of course - my voice is NOT angelic!  He and I were able to talk for a few minutes, which was fine, because it was HIS night.  His manager swept him from one important person to the next.  I was glad he saw me and that I was able to share a few moments.   To make the night even more pleasurable, I saw another friend there from elementary school.  I hadn't seen her since...5th grade?!!! It was good to catch up and talk about our lives, past and present.  So, I was able to do 3 of my favorite things; eat, have a glass of wine, and engage in a good conversation.

After I left the restaurant, I was on my way back to the train when a wine bar caught my attention; I think it was the fact that there was a "wine bar" in midtown on 8th ave btw 44th and 45th street - Lybane.  I went in and had the best of my 3 favorite things ALL over again.  I drank a glass of white, had an amazing Pita Pizza (for only $5) and a 3 hour conversation with the Albanian bartender.  During those 3 hours, I met quite a few interesting people, one of which was an Albanian professional dancer.
I got back on the train, happy, satisfied with another NY date night:-)
So when your friends are having a show or exhibit or viewing or whatever it may be, USE the event to make it a date night.

Lincoln Center Memories with Lil Benny

Me and 3 incredibly fun new friends - if only for the night.

I wanted to write about one of my favorite date nights in NY.  I ended up meeting 3 amazing women, a famous musician, and having the time of my life.
I love that in NY there are so many cultural events you can go to for free, or for a pretty inexpensive cost. Yes, there are many cultural events to attend that will cost you an arm and a leg, but remember, I'm dating myself, and sometimes I can be cheap.
Anyhow, I am from Silver Spring, MD and if you know anything about that area, then you should know about Go-Go music.  If not, well, it is a genre of music that is very near and dear to my heart.  Mostly people from MD, D.C., or Northern VA know, understand and LOVE it, like myself.  I saw that the Godfather of Go-Go, Chuck Brown, was going to be playing at Lincoln Center (this was two summers ago).  I quickly bought a ticket and figured out what cute dress I wanted to wear.  I knew I was going to be dancing the night away so I had to be comfortable, but of course, when dating yourself, must look cute (my opinion of course).
I showed up at Lincoln Center at 6:30 and went inside the dance area.  The music was playing and I immediately just felt my heart smile.  You see, this music is also very nostalgic for me.  It reminds of my youth and especially of my trips home from college with my brothers.  The second we were able to get Go-Go music on the radio we KNEW we weren't far from home.   I began dancing and within an hour I had met Keisha, Nya, and Deandra - all from the DMV (D.C., MD, VA) area - so they completely "got" me and my love for Chuck.
Then, a little bit later a guy tried to be slick and started dancing with me while my back was turned.  He kept saying, "Go ahead girl in white!! - work it!" I turned around.  I was nice.  He asked me my name. "Megan."  "And yours?" "Benny."  "Nice to meet you Benny."  And I turned back around.  Then it HIT me - AAAGGHHH!!! It's Lil' Benny from Lil' Benny and the Masters!!! (Yes another Go-Go group from the area).  I turned back around and explained how I knew who he was and I loved his music especially "Cat in the Hat", and I loved his voice, and...yeah, I talked for a bit.  We had the best time dancing (even when he stepped on my toenail - ouch!).
So then he had to go back on stage to perform with Chuck.  And that's when it happened...MY name was yelled at a concert:-)  He kept saying, "Come on Megan!  Work it!! You're looking good Megan, I see you!!"  Glad I looked cute:-)
Later that night, when the concert was over, I met with Benny, we talked, we took a picture, I gave him my card and we parted.  Now here's the beautiful part, the next summer I saw him again at another Chuck Brown concert.  I assumed he wouldn't remember me.  Wouldn't you know it, he went in his trailer and pulled out a wrinkled old  card with my name on it (he kept it:-)  from his wallet.  He remembered what I did for a living and everything.
I share this date story to show how amazing of a time you can have by yourself and how you can meet some amazing people as well.

Lil Benny died earlier this year.  I will miss his voice and his talent, but mostly I will miss being his dance partner.

Lil Benny and me, "the girl in white".